Happy 8th Birthday

Ah, another year passed, another year older. My baby is 8. On this day, eight years ago, he entered our lives kicking and screaming, yet we decided to keep him.

This year has definitely been a fun and exhausting one! It sure is different raising a boy than it is a girl. Whereas Riley would be content reading or coloring, Jeremy wants to be active. For Christmas, Santa brought him a hockey net, which has taken residence in our front room. So every morning, after Riley heads off to school, J and I play indoor hockey with our mini sticks. (Riley accidentally broke one of the sticks a few months ago, and you would have thought Jeremy broke a bone with how he screamed.)

Speaking of hockey, he enjoyed playing for an in-house team this fall/winter, and the entire family had so much fun. The highlight of his season was getting to play a scrimmage game at the Rockford Ice Hogs arena and slapping the hands of the players! He's really excelling in hockey and soccer--it will be a difficult time when we have to choose.

As for school, again, he's doing quite well. He's not so much into reading, but he's a strong reader and does very well in math. I've helped in his class several times this year, and his teacher only has the best things to say about him. I do laugh, though, because the class has nicknamed him "Bacon Boy" for his love of all things bacon. In fact, when he does his math and it asks for units for the problems, Jeremy usually writes "bacon." He has his first admirer in the class--McKenna is a big fan of Jeremy. We tease him about her, but he's asked us to not to that, so we try not to give him such a hard time.

Just like last year, Riley was trying to convince Jeremy that he wasn't officially 8 until the afternoon, since that's when he was born. I laughed when I realized she did the same thing last year. But she did write on her birthday card to him "From your loving sister, AKA Riley." You know, in case he didn't know which loving sister.

We celebrated with a birthday weekend with his party yesterday at Brunswick with 9 other friends (including his sister), and then today we went over to Papa and Nana's to celebrate with Uncle D and Jack. The weather cooperated, so we were able to enjoy some hockey outside. He received many Legos, the Mighty Ducks DVDs, money, and some bacon items. I believe it was a pretty good birthday weekend for him.

What else can I say about my baby boy? Each year that passes makes me happy and sad; I'm happy because I love seeing the person he's becoming, but I'm sad because it marks one more year that's passed. I love having a son and all that he represents--there's just a special bond between a boy and his mom. I cannot wait to see what great things will happen for him this next year.

I love you so much, my favorite little guy. Happy birthday, sunshine.

And now for Jeremy through the years:

At the hospital

3 months

6 months

9 months

1 year old

18 months

2 years old

2.5 years old

3 years old (and sick)

3.5 years old

4 years old

 

5 years old

6 years old

7 years old and wearing his birthday party crown

 

8 years old waiting for his birthday bacon

 

 

 

 

2013 Year in Review

1. What did you do in 2013 that you’d never done before? We went on a family vacation and took the kids to Canada. It was such a wonderful experience and I know it will be one the kids will never forget.

2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? Like I said last year, I don't really keep them. I'm not really sure what to aim for during the upcoming year either.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Nope. It was pretty baby-free.

4. Did anyone close to you die? Yes, one of my parents' good friends passed in November.

5. What places did you visit? As mentioned earlier, we took the family to Buffalo, Niagara Falls, and Toronto for a couple of days in August.

6. What would you like to have in 2013 that you lacked in 2012? I would love for the husband to have full-time employment again.

7. What dates from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? Nothing really stands out.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? I landed 2 freelancing gigs when I became proactive and found online postings about jobs. I had been without any freelancing jobs in almost a year, so it was hard to get back in the swing of things and balance life and work again.

9. What was your biggest failure? Not sticking with my goal of getting myself better organized and purging the house. I had high hopes and lasted a couple of weeks, but then the freelancing jobs took over, and I found that I didn't have a lot of extra time, and unfortunately the clutter piled up.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? The entire family got sick one day after the next right after Thanksgiving. Other than that, we were good.
11. What was the best thing you bought? Our vacation, hands down.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? My husband. He was let go from two jobs this year, and I know it was a kick to his ego, but he's prevailed and found another contracting job that he loves. Unfortunately the contract is up in February, so we're keeping our fingers crossed that 2014 is the year of landing a secure job.And Riley's picture of the State of Liberty was in the Highlights magazine for its June 2013 issue. She received a lot of recognition and was even in the local newspaper and given an award through the village.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Nobody in particular, but I still get passionate about our children's education and cannot understand why people don't do more for the schools.

14. Where did most of your money go? Vacation.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? On our vacation, we were able to see Dave Bolland with the players' Stanley Cup and his parade through downtown Toronto, and then the following day we saw the second Stanley Cup. Definitely a highlight that we won't soon forget.

16. What song will always remind you of 2010? Safe and Sound by Capital Cities because the Hawks played it at their rally over the summer.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

a) happier or sadder? Happier.My family means the world to me, and they make me so happy.

b) thinner or fatter? The same. I did still run when it was warm out and ran another 5K, this time in June, and I did it faster than my previous one. I'm hoping to get the husband to run another one with me this year.

c) richer or poorer? Poorer. Mainly because the husband was unemployed for several months.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Making more of an effort in doing things that are important to my family.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Worrying that we cannot afford certain things.

20. How did you spend Christmas in 2013? We celebrated the weekend before Christmas with my brother and his family at their new house, on Christmas day it was the four of us and my parents, and the weekend after Christmas we were up in Green Bay celebrating with the husband's family.

21. Did you fall in love in 2013? I'm still madly in love with the husband.

22. What was your favorite TV program?  Chicago Fire and The New Girl. And I like mindless entertainment on Bravo..

23. What did you do for your birthday in 2013? I can't remember what I did two days ago, let alone what happened almost eight months ago.

24. What was the best book you read? I surpassed my goal, and I read more than 100 books this year. I've really enjoyed the new adult market, and love pretty much anything by Colleen Hoover. I also loved Sarah Jio's two books she published this year, The Last Camellia and Morning Glory.
25. What did you want and get? I wanted to attend a hockey game, and my dad won tickets at one of the blood drives, so my brother and I went the day before my birthday.

26. What did you want and not get? Phil to land a full-time job.

27. What was your favorite film of this year? I have a hard time sitting through movies, but I did go with the kids to see Despicable Me 2, which was hilarious. Monsters University was pretty good, too. Ten Years was another good one, but anything with Channing Tatum works for me.

28. Did you make some new friends this year? Yes, through Jeremy's hockey I've gotten to know some really nice families.

29. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Having a maid

30. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2013? Casually comfortable.

31. What kept you sane? Gatherings with good friends and hockey. Not necessarily together.

32. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Duncan Keith. I kept asking to have him for my birthday, but maybe next year!

33. What political issue stirred you the most? Gay marriage. I'm glad that the Illinois government finally got their act together to allow marriage rights for them.

34. Who did you miss? I miss spending quality time with the husband. Even though we're under the same roof, I tend to work in the evenings after the kids go to bed, which doesn't allow for a lot of quality time. It's hard to balance everything sometimes, and I miss connecting with him.

35. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2013. It's important to not be complacent and to want a better life. Striving for more can be challenging, but you'll come out a better person in the end.

Happy 10th Birthday, Sweetheart!

10 whole years ago we welcomed our first child into this world. I cannot believe it has been that long, honestly. I've been a mom for an entire decade. It's been thrilling, exciting, challenging, and I really can't wait to see what the next decade holds.

Riley has had an exciting year, and perhaps the highlight was having her drawing published in the June Highlights. She was so excited to receive an official letter saying her drawing of the Statue of Liberty would be printed. The local newspaper even did a story on her, and the village honored her with a plaque. (I really should update the blog more often to highlight this.)

She had a great school year, and she's already excelling in fourth grade. Her teacher loves her, and Riley is definitely thriving. Soccer is going well, for the most part. She tried out and made the travel team, and there have been some growing pains. She's currently playing indoor soccer with her coach from last year, and it's nice to see her have the fire back.

Riley cannot get enough of her youngest cousin, Jack. She is going to make a great babysitter in a couple of years. Whenever we get together with friends who have younger kids, most of the time she doesn't complain about not having anyone to play with. Instead, she gravitates toward the younger kids and plays with them. And of course she's beyond excited that she will have another little cousin to play with in May (and she's desperately hoping it's a girl!).

Life as a 10-year-old girl I"m sure will have plenty of challenges. There are already instances where she lets her emotions get the best of her, and I know this is just the beginning. She's struggling to find her place and deal with harder life-related problems. It's not going to be easy for any of us, that's for sure. I know this is part of life with her growing up, but I admit that it's hard. I miss the days of her never-ending laughter, but at the same time she's so helpful when she wants to be. 

I hope she knows how much we love her and are proud of the child she's become. She is so smart, doing her fifth-grade level math. She's constantly reading whenever she has down time and she still loves to just sit and color. She's a people-pleaser who is always thinking of others. For her birthday this year she wanted to donate items to the local animal shelter. That was all her idea. She's our beautiful, loving, compassionate child, and we love her so very much. Happy double-digit birthday, Riley. We love you!

10 years ago yesterday. I had no idea my water
would break just a few hours after this was taken.
Man, I was all belly!

10 years ago today. Poor girl had to get an IV after she was born, so she
had a splint on her left arm. Look at all that hair!

9 years ago at daycare.

8 years ago today.

7 years ago today.

6 years ago today.

5 years ago today.

4 years ago today.

 

3 years ago.

2 years ago.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Last year.

 

 

 This year.

Happy 7th Birthday

My little guy turned 7 today. He's so far from being a little boy anymore, but he'll always be my baby. I asked him this morning how 7 felt, and he replied, "Awkward." Yes, he uttered those exact words. Then he said that he can spell encyclopedia, which I said he could do when he was 6. But he said that now that he's 7, he can spell it much faster.

What can I say about this precious boy? Within the past year, he's tried his attempt at basketball, which he loved, but the poor kid was by far the shortest on his team. He actually had a 2nd grader who was a full head taller than him. He also played soccer in the fall, and scored many goals. We put him in a hockey skills class just to get him on the ice, and he skated circles around the other kids. We're so proud of him.

As for school, he is an unbelievable reader. I volunteered a week ago for his class, and his classmates came out in the hall to read to me. He was flying through the pages, whereas some of his other classmates had problems. I really don't remember Riley reading as well at this age. But he doesn't share her passion for reading, at least not yet. He'd rather do it and get it over with.

He's a very loving boy, and he and Riley actively fight over their cousin, Jack. It's times like that which make me regret not making him a big brother. But at the same time, he has a temper, so maybe it's for the best! :)

He lost his top two teeth within the last week, and he looks so much older. It's hard to believe that 7 years ago he entered our family. I knew very early on that we were having a boy--I just felt it. And at 1:20 pm he entered the world (and of course Riley pointed out that Jeremy wouldn't be 7 today until 1:20...says the girl who was born at 12:44 am!). We went out to our favorite breakfast place this morning to have "birthday bacon," and he even received a piece of chocolate cake. 

Riley drew him a birthday card, in which she wrote that he's the best brother ever. So sweet.

I love this little guy more than I could ever imagine. There will always be a soft spot in my heart for him. I will cherish the times he wants me to play goalie for him out in the driveway. I will let him twirl my hair when he feels shy. I will do my best to make him the best boy he can be in whatever capacity that may be. I love you, Jeremy. Happy birthday, buddy. 

And now for Jeremy through the years:

At the hospital

3 months

6 months

9 months

1 year old

18 months

2 years old

2.5 years old

3 years old (and sick)

3.5 years old

4 years old

 

5 years old

6 years old

7 years old and wearing his birthday party crown

Broadcasters

Most everyone who knows me knows that I'm a huge sports fan. Huge. And again, that's something I owe to my dad. And perhaps the two biggest Chicago sports personalities who had an impact on my life were Harry Caray and Pat Foley.

I was in awe yesterday when I heard it was 15 years ago that Harry Caray passed away. I remember I was at college, and that night I had a column due at the school newspaper. I decided to dedicate my column to Harry. (Side note: I Googled myself and the article I wrote and found it here. On another side note, did I ever think that picture I had taken looked like something that should be in a newspaper?!)

Anyway, like I wrote in my article, he was the true epitome of what a Chicagoan is. He was a hard worker, yet he made time for his friends and knew how to have a good time. And he reminded me of my childhood. The times I spent with my grandmother listening to him tell tales and lament about his poor Cubbies. (Side note: I have since changed allegiances and am now a Sox fan. I'm not quite sure how my grandmother would take that news now.)

I've attended my fair share of Cubs games. Probably five times more than Sox games, because Cubs games were easier to get to (the Blue line to the Addison bus), and tickets were cheap. Plus, who actually paid attention to the games? Well, I did when I was younger.

I also read that if alive, Caray would have been 99 today. Wow.

And then Pat Foley, the announcer for the Blackhawks, is by far my favorite announcer in any capacity. The Hawks announced tonight that next month the team would honor him for his 30 years of service. To me, he is hockey. He makes it entertaining, he provides facts, and he has such a distinct voice that makes you want to pay attention. Plus the repoire he has with Eddie Olczyk is phenomenal. 

I remember listening to Pat and Dale Tallon on the radio while I was at college. See, back then, Hawks home games weren't televised, so us die-hard fans were forced to listen to the games via radio (the Internet wasn't even that prevalent back in my day...). 

I think my dad turned me in to listening to both men, although I can't pinpoint the exact times. My dad is very particular about announcers--there have been times when he's muted games because he would rather listen to nothing than the announcer (ahem, Marv Albert). It's cute to see the kids already recognizing when Pat and Eddie are announcing games. They get upset when Hawks games are on NBC and we don't get to hear those two. 

They are/were Chicagoans at their best.

Growing Older

I read something the other day that made me pause and think about things. As parents, we spend a lot of lives focusing on how quickly our children are growing without thinking about how it affects everyone else. We forget that we, too, are aging. But perhaps what's more startling is that our parents are aging as well.

A girl I went to high school with lost her father last week, and I looked at the obituary online. Her dad was only 69. It scares me to think that I'm getting to an age where I might not have a parent around.

Recently my dad pondered retirement. My first reaction was that he's not old enough to do that! He decided not to for now, but it still made me pause and think about life.

Early last month, my dad had a minor procedure done at the hospital. Nothing major, but he had asked me if I would take him to the hospital and back home afterward. No problem. It occurred during winter break for the kids, but Phil graciously offered to keep an eye on the kids while he worked during the day. I arrived to take my dad to the hospital, and off we went.

While he went to check in, I sat down in one of the chairs. Once the woman emerged from the registration room, she said, "I hear your husband say you've been working here for 40 years!" Yeah, insert foot in mouth there. I felt horrible--first that I looked like my father's wife and second that I looked like I could have worked for 40 years! I'm not even 40!

I digress. The procedure went well, despite the fact that my dad was put under. He woke up and was so out of it. He was very pale, and it took him awhile to get the color back in his face. He kept saying how glad he was that I was there and how much he loved me and our entire family. He had me in tears, and I told him that of course I would be there for him and that there's no place else I'd rather be.

My dad was so vulnerable. I saw another side of him. A side that made me so eternally grateful that I live so close to them. A side that makes me scared to think about life without either one of them. My own grandfather passed away when I was 4, and my dad was about my age. That terrifies me.

Me and my dad and grandpa. I think I was about 3.

My parents made an appearance out at our house today, and while my mom was out entertaining the kids, my dad and I were able to sit and chat for a bit. It's those little things that I take for granted. I wish I didn't, but I do. And I hope they realize just how grateful am for everything about them. And I hope they'll be around for many more years to come.

Hold Your Children a Little Closer

On the side of my blog, I have a blog roll. One of those blogs is from a brother-in-law of a friend of mine who went to high school with me. The brother--in-law suddenly lost his 2-year-old boy exactly 2 years ago today.

Take a minute and read his blog post for today. And make sure you have a couple of tissues close by. And then go hug and kiss your children and feel blessed and thankful for your life.

Guilt

I think as a general rule, if you're a parent of younger children, not a day goes by that you don't feel guilty about something.

When the kids were younger, I had a harder time with it. I thought that since I stayed at home, I should be entertaining my children pretty much all day. And if I plopped them in front of the television for a little bit, I wasn't doing my "job". (Now keep in mind that nobody ever told me that's what they thought--those were just expectations I had for myself.) 

Of course I ended up having a time of the day for the kids to watch a movie, but it didn't mean that I was OK with it.

And we can't forget about all the times I've lost my temper with the kids and said, did, acted out in a way I shouldn't have. That's still a problem for me.

And now that the kids are older, they can actually verbalize how they feel. I think I've mentioned it before, but Riley is already pulling the whole, "You love him more than you love me." Ah, the companion to guilt: the guilt trip.

Overall I struggle a lot with guilt.

I feel guilty for not spending enough time with the kids, which in turn makes me feel guilty for not spending enough time with the husband, which in turn makes me feel guilty for not taking time for myself. And most of the time, I put myself last.

I've tried in the past to put aside those feelings of guilt, but they tend to resurface when I'm the most frazzled. There are times when it feels like I have so much on my plate (because I have a very difficult time in saying no since I don't want to let people down). I joke with Phil that I sometimes feel like a particular episode of Saved by the Bell when Jessie is taking the caffeine pills because she can't fit everything in that she needs to. When Zach confronts her, she says that there's never enough time. Yeah, that's me.

So I'm going to try my hardest to not let guilt make decisions for me. Yes, I know there will be times when I take the kids out for ice cream because I feel bad for not spending enough time with them. And yes, there will be times where I play one more game even though I am dead tired because he/she asked. But I'd like to think that I do these things because I'm their mom and not because I feel guilty.

2012 Year in Review

1. What did you do in 2012 that you’d never done before? I volunteered to be secretary of the PTA. I wanted to get more involved, and boy have I! It's been eye-opening to say the least, and it has given me tons of headaches, but I believe in being pro-active for your kids. And this is definitely one way of doing it.

2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I don't keep them, but I did say that I wanted to run a 5K this year and run the whole thing. I'm proud to say that I completed that task in early September.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Yes! I have another nephew, Jack Calvin, who was born on June 18. I got to visit him when he was brand new! I also had 2 very good friends have babies, one Travis born in March and Charlotte was born in September.

4. Did anyone close to you die? No, thankfully.

5. What places did you visit? No real trips for us this year other than two trips up to Green Bay.

6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011? Just the same as last year, more date nights with the husband.

7. What dates from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? June 18 when my nephew arrived.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? I actually stuck to my guns and said I would begin to declutter our house. I've even begun selling things on eBay and was completely surprised when a pair of shoes I had sold for more than $100!

9. What was your biggest failure? Getting let go from the freelancing gig was a real blow to my ego. I know the Internet market has changed a lot since I started freelancing, and it's obviously much different than working for a brick and mortar place, but it still was rough.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Nope, thankfully.
11. What was the best thing you bought? Not sure on that one.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? My husband. He's had a very rough year, and the amount of love and compassion he has is amazing. It reminds me how lucky I am to be married to him. And special recognition goes to my mother-in-law for showing us what true strength is.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? A couple family members for different reasons. And the whole instance at Sandy Hook Elementary school made me ill. And the fact that the NHL owners are locking out the NHL players. I miss my hockey!!

14. Where did most of your money go? Sports for the kids.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Anything involving Jack. He's such a fun, adorable blessing into our lives. And I can't get enough of him. He's at the age right now that I love, and I try to make it a point to see him at least once a month. I feel so lucky to live so close, yet I still feel like we're too far. :)

16. What song will always remind you of 2010? You Don't Know You're Beautiful by One Direction because the kids loved it so and because Phil couldn't stand it.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

a) happier or sadder? Happier. It's been an emotional year, but I'm overall happier.

b) thinner or fatter? Thinner. Running has really helped. I don't run in the cold, so that's going to put a damper on things. But even over the summer I made a point to run (and the kids joined me--they even ran their first mile race this fall), and even though I still don't fully enjoy it, I know it's good for me.

c) richer or poorer? Poorer. Mainly because I lost my freelancing job.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Decluttering the house. I'm working on it, but I feel like I should make it more of a priority.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Not enjoying each day for what it's worth.

20. How did you spend Christmas in 2012? We started off at our place with my mother--in-law on Dec. 15-16, then moved to Chicago with my brother, sis-in-law and Jack on the Saturday before Christmas. On Christmas day my parents came over and we did our entire Christmas with them. It was a great way to cap off the holiday season.

21. Did you fall in love in 2012? I'm still madly in love with the husband.

22. What was your favorite TV program?  Modern Family and The New Girl. Most of the trashy things on Bravo, especially Top Chef.

23. What did you do for your birthday in 2012? I don't really remember. That's pretty sad.

24. What was the best book you read? I kept track this year and read more than 60 books. I just tend to fly through them. The one that really stands out is Gone Girl. And I also enjoyed Summerland.
25. What did you want and get? Appreciation for my hours of volunteering at the library. They're wanting to hire me shortly.

26. What did you want and not get? Hockey back in session.

27. What was your favorite film of this year? I don't have the patience to sit through movies, so I didn't see many. I did go see Magic Mike by myself in the theater and loved it.

28. Did you make some new friends this year? Yes. I've made a bunch of really great friends thanks to the PTA. I love knowing women who care so much about our kids.

29. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Hockey.

30. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2012? Casually comfortable.

31. What kept you sane? Wine and alcohol in general. :) And a good run followed by a nice shower.

32. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Channing Tatum. Yummy!!

33. What political issue stirred you the most? The entire election campaign really captivated me. I think this was the first time I was completely immersed in all the issues. I wish I could understand why some people believe that others don't deserve the same rights. And I believe that teachers are not paid nearly enough.

34. Who did you miss? I miss getting together with my mom's extended side of the family. We normally got together 1-2 times per year, and grandpa was our glue. But we are planning a family reunion in July 2013, so that should be wonderful.

35. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2012. When people don't care as passionately about the same things you do, try not to get angry with them. I think that's a lesson that both Phil and I need to remember.

Feeling Thankful

It seems as though every year is full if its own hardships and challenges, and this one hasn't disappointed in that regard. I'll share more with my year-end review, but there were highlights, of course, that mainly included a new member of our family: Jack.

LOVE the look on his face!

But with Christmas just a few hours away, I'm reminded how truly important family is. This the first Christmas that we're not celebrating with my mom's extended side of the family, and it's weighing a little heavy on me. I'm a stickler for tradition, and this stings a little. Grandpa left us Dec. 11 last year, and we were able to get together as a group for his memorial service and burial. It's weird to not make the trip down to central Illinois this year.

However, I'm so very grateful to have my brother, my beautiful sister-in-law (who just started a blog on motherhood, yoga, and life in general, so check it out here) and my adorable nephew living in the same country and the same state. We've made an attempt to see them once a month, and some months that works out better than others.

I'm grateful for family in general. The husband has definitely been my rock, and I try to remind him how important he is to us. It's definitely been a trying year for him personally, and it just has reaffirmed to me what a strong family man he is. He has a nurturing soul, and I'm proud to call him mine. We've been trying to make time to spend together, but as we've found, sometimes life gets in the way. I'm hoping to make that more of a priority next year.

The kids, ah the kids! With Sandy Hook fresh in our minds, I just want to grab them and hold onto them forever. Sure, like in my last post, certain days and certain children can prove more challenging than others, but I know I will miss days like this. I know time is fleeting and with every passing day, they are growing and gaining more independence. They don't even want bedtime stories anymore; they would rather read on their own. They need me less and less, and at times it tears at my heart. But it's part of growing up, and I don't want to stifle them. Being a mother is the most challenging but rewarding job I could every imaging having.

We do have a lot to be grateful for, and we've tried as a family to do good, especially in the holiday season. For the 4th straight year, we donated food for Riley's birthday, and this year we topped 100 pounds of food! The director at the food pantry actually remembered Riley from last year. At church, we donated money for Bibles to be given to those who are incarcerated. We helped out the Chicago Sun-Times and their letters to Santa and provided a gift to a 3rd grade boy in the inner city. And then today Phil took the kids to Starbucks for some hot chocolate, and he found that the car in front of him in the drive-thru paid for his food, so he paid it forward to the car behind him. The woman working at the window said that the husband was the 10th car to pay it forward.

So for all the trying times of the year, I'm so grateful for what we have and what we can give others. Merry Christmas.

.

This Child

This child of mine tests me.

Celebrating her birthday last month.

She may look sweet and adorable, and she is for the most part. But she is what you'd consider a pre-teen.

She's 9 going on 13, and there are days when I don't know how I'm going to survive the real teenage years. For awhile now, I've told her that when she officially becomes a teenager, I am moving away. She thinks I'm kidding. There are some days that I'm not.

See, I remember what it was like to be a teenage girl. I was full of attitude. I rolled my eyes at parents and at high school coaches (and got in busted by all parties involved). I sprouted off sass so much that my mom washed my mouth out with liquid soap. I talked back to my dad and he lifted me up by the scruff of my shirt and held me up against the wall.

And if turnabout isn't fair play, she's dishing the attitude right back to me. *sigh*

And the poor husband doesn't know what it's like to be around teenaged girls all the time. He doesn't know what he's in for. Just wait for the slammed doors. We've gotten a taste with the whole "life isn't fair" mantra, but this is just the tip of the iceberg. 

On the first day of winter break, this darling child of mine was ushered up to her room for giving us too much attitude. And when we went up there to talk with her, she sassed back, earning her a few more minutes up in her room. And she screamed. And cried. Good times, indeed.

She calmed down, and then all I heard was that I never want to be with her and that I always want to play with Jeremy. Ah, the guilt trip. And I fall for it. Because I felt that way about my mom and my brother, that she favored him (no offense, but she did do his laundry well into his post-college years. Meanwhile I had to pay rent during the summers I was home from college!) I digress. But I believe she knows exactly what she's doing. It doesn't mean it doesn't break my heart. And then she halfheartedly apologized by sighing and saying "Sor-ry."

I know these years will be trying. She's trying to figure out her place in the world. And it doesn't help that she's at a school with kids up through 5th grade. And it doesn't help that she is growing up, whether I like it or not. It happens.

But I will always love her, even as she struggles to find the fine line between independence, asserting herself and following our rules.

I love you, little girl. Don't ever forget that.

Parental Worries

This time last week we learned about the horror involved with the Connecticut school shooting. I admit, when I first heard that some people were shot at a school out east, I didn't think too much of it. In hindsight, how horrible does that sound that hearing of a school shooting doesn't immediately fill us with worry?

But then as I was watching the 11 AM news, the reports coming in were horrifying. I was riveted to the television and couldn't believe what I was hearing. And perhaps the scariest part was hearing that an entire classroom of little kids was unaccounted for. Forgive me for the typical reaction and overused phrase, but that is every parents' worst nightmare.

I broke into tears. Those innocent children lost their lives at a school, which is supposed to be a happy place, full of friends and educators who care for those children like they were their own. Just thinking about what they endured still chokes me up, especially because Jeremy is the age of those 20 children who lost their lives.

I remember where I was when Columbine happened. I was at work, and I remember catching it on the Internet (what can I say--I was a bored editorial assistant back in 1999), and I kept reading that the body count increased every time I hit the "refresh" button. Although I was just a year out of college, the shootings didn't affect me the way Newtown's did.

And I know full well the reason why: it's because I now have children. I pray that I will never know the feeling of losing a child, but we never know what can happen. I joke with the women at the bus stop that I wish we could keep our children in a little bubble so the troubles of the world won't touch them. Whether it's the creepy-looking van driving through the neighborhood that worries parents or the kids on the bus who bully others or heaven forbid something more tragic. 

There are times when I think having young kids is so draining, but I know life will only get more complex and worries will only grow bigger. Just wait until the kids are off on their own with their friends, driving their cars, or even doing things late in the evening all the while not under my careful eye.

I've tried to not read so much about the tragedy in Connecticut, only for my own sanity. We did broach the subject with the kids the Sunday after it happened, because I feared they would hear something about it. (And they did--at church of all places!) But we gave them a vague reference about it saying that something bad happened in a school in Connecticut, but everything is fine out here and you have nothing to worry about. I did  say if they had questions about it, I'd rather they talk to me. Neither kid did, and I don't believe the schools have said anything to the kids directly. Jeremy's teacher said nothing was said in hers, although Riley said her class now locks the door whenever they're in the room.

I'm grateful for all that the schools do, from not overly worrying the kids to practicing Code Red drills. Although I believe Riley knows what the drills are for, Jeremy insists that they're for when a stranger enters the school or there's a snake on the loose.

 My sweet cherubs sleeping. 
They are my most precious gift ever.

 

But on a more serious note, my kids are my most precious gift, and I'm sure most parents say the same thing about their own. I grieve for the parents who lost their dear children and those whose family members were teachers and educators, and I pray that they get through the holidays the best they know how. The few stories that I've read take my breath away, and every time I watch this video, I'm moved to tears.

If you haven't done so already, hug your kids a little tighter, tell your family that you love them, and be grateful for every day. Because I'm sure all those family members out in Connecticut would give anything to have just one more day, just one more hour to do that to their own.

Happy 9th Birthday, Riley!

9. I can't believe she's 9. I think I'll be saying something along those lines for each child's birthday--just replace the year with that current year.

I look at Riley and cannot believe that it's been 9 years since she made me a mom. She is still such a loving child, always wanting to be around you, cuddle with you, and just enjoy your company. I know that won't last. I know there will come a time when she won't want me around. When she will spend her evenings holed up in her room. So for now I will enjoy it.

It doesn't mean, though, that it doesn't break my heart when earlier this week she cried and said I don't spend enough time with her and that I love Jeremy more than her.

This past year Riley has grown leaps and bounds. She started a new school, took on difficult curriculum since she's in the gifted and talented one, started playing soccer in an all-boys' league, and has matured in a way that I thought I had a few years to prepare for.

I see the struggles in her as Jeremy is no longer the little boy who wants to do whatever she says. I see her struggles when school doesn't come as easy as it once did. She's so much the perfectionist, and it makes me sad to think that she feels the need to be perfect at all times. I see her frustration when life isn't fair, and there are times I just want to wrap her in my arms and make everything better for her. As the older girl with a younger brother, I know that it can be a hard role to fill. And I try not to give her added pressure, but I'm sure I inadvertently do.

She is the light in my life, and I cannot imagine life without her. She's always been such a wonderful child--I don't know what we did to deserve such a blessing in our life. We had parent/teacher conferences last week, and her teacher couldn't say enough nice things about her. She's a model student, and for that we couldn't be prouder.

She's a very creative child, and she still loves to do crafts. She's not so much into games or puzzles anymore--the games I believe is due to her competitive nature in that she doesn't like to lose. The puzzles, I'm not so sure of. She still enjoys coloring and creating, and last month she sat on the couch with me and we both sewed. That made me smile. She still loves to help in whatever capacity you let her, and for her birthday her Uncle D and Aunt Casey took her overnight. I know she was over the moon to not only spend time with them but to have extra time with Jack. He is the highlight in our house, and the kids and I are constantly "fighting" over who gets to hold him next. It's times like that I know she misses having a little one around. She's going to be a great baby sitter someday.

So happy birthday to my beautiful daughter. There is so much in store for you, and I cannot wait to see what paths you take. Just do me a favor and enjoy it and try not to be in too much of a hurry to grow up. We love you.

9 years ago yesterday. I had no idea my water
would break just a few hours after this was taken.

9 years ago today. Poor girl had to get an IV after she was born, so she
had a splint on her left arm. Look at all that hair!

8 years ago at daycare.

7 years ago today.

6 years ago today.

5 years ago today.

4 years ago today.

3 years ago today.

 

2 years ago.

Last year.

 

 

 

 

 

 

This year.