Feeling Thankful

It seems as though every year is full if its own hardships and challenges, and this one hasn't disappointed in that regard. I'll share more with my year-end review, but there were highlights, of course, that mainly included a new member of our family: Jack.

LOVE the look on his face!

But with Christmas just a few hours away, I'm reminded how truly important family is. This the first Christmas that we're not celebrating with my mom's extended side of the family, and it's weighing a little heavy on me. I'm a stickler for tradition, and this stings a little. Grandpa left us Dec. 11 last year, and we were able to get together as a group for his memorial service and burial. It's weird to not make the trip down to central Illinois this year.

However, I'm so very grateful to have my brother, my beautiful sister-in-law (who just started a blog on motherhood, yoga, and life in general, so check it out here) and my adorable nephew living in the same country and the same state. We've made an attempt to see them once a month, and some months that works out better than others.

I'm grateful for family in general. The husband has definitely been my rock, and I try to remind him how important he is to us. It's definitely been a trying year for him personally, and it just has reaffirmed to me what a strong family man he is. He has a nurturing soul, and I'm proud to call him mine. We've been trying to make time to spend together, but as we've found, sometimes life gets in the way. I'm hoping to make that more of a priority next year.

The kids, ah the kids! With Sandy Hook fresh in our minds, I just want to grab them and hold onto them forever. Sure, like in my last post, certain days and certain children can prove more challenging than others, but I know I will miss days like this. I know time is fleeting and with every passing day, they are growing and gaining more independence. They don't even want bedtime stories anymore; they would rather read on their own. They need me less and less, and at times it tears at my heart. But it's part of growing up, and I don't want to stifle them. Being a mother is the most challenging but rewarding job I could every imaging having.

We do have a lot to be grateful for, and we've tried as a family to do good, especially in the holiday season. For the 4th straight year, we donated food for Riley's birthday, and this year we topped 100 pounds of food! The director at the food pantry actually remembered Riley from last year. At church, we donated money for Bibles to be given to those who are incarcerated. We helped out the Chicago Sun-Times and their letters to Santa and provided a gift to a 3rd grade boy in the inner city. And then today Phil took the kids to Starbucks for some hot chocolate, and he found that the car in front of him in the drive-thru paid for his food, so he paid it forward to the car behind him. The woman working at the window said that the husband was the 10th car to pay it forward.

So for all the trying times of the year, I'm so grateful for what we have and what we can give others. Merry Christmas.

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This Child

This child of mine tests me.

Celebrating her birthday last month.

She may look sweet and adorable, and she is for the most part. But she is what you'd consider a pre-teen.

She's 9 going on 13, and there are days when I don't know how I'm going to survive the real teenage years. For awhile now, I've told her that when she officially becomes a teenager, I am moving away. She thinks I'm kidding. There are some days that I'm not.

See, I remember what it was like to be a teenage girl. I was full of attitude. I rolled my eyes at parents and at high school coaches (and got in busted by all parties involved). I sprouted off sass so much that my mom washed my mouth out with liquid soap. I talked back to my dad and he lifted me up by the scruff of my shirt and held me up against the wall.

And if turnabout isn't fair play, she's dishing the attitude right back to me. *sigh*

And the poor husband doesn't know what it's like to be around teenaged girls all the time. He doesn't know what he's in for. Just wait for the slammed doors. We've gotten a taste with the whole "life isn't fair" mantra, but this is just the tip of the iceberg. 

On the first day of winter break, this darling child of mine was ushered up to her room for giving us too much attitude. And when we went up there to talk with her, she sassed back, earning her a few more minutes up in her room. And she screamed. And cried. Good times, indeed.

She calmed down, and then all I heard was that I never want to be with her and that I always want to play with Jeremy. Ah, the guilt trip. And I fall for it. Because I felt that way about my mom and my brother, that she favored him (no offense, but she did do his laundry well into his post-college years. Meanwhile I had to pay rent during the summers I was home from college!) I digress. But I believe she knows exactly what she's doing. It doesn't mean it doesn't break my heart. And then she halfheartedly apologized by sighing and saying "Sor-ry."

I know these years will be trying. She's trying to figure out her place in the world. And it doesn't help that she's at a school with kids up through 5th grade. And it doesn't help that she is growing up, whether I like it or not. It happens.

But I will always love her, even as she struggles to find the fine line between independence, asserting herself and following our rules.

I love you, little girl. Don't ever forget that.

Parental Worries

This time last week we learned about the horror involved with the Connecticut school shooting. I admit, when I first heard that some people were shot at a school out east, I didn't think too much of it. In hindsight, how horrible does that sound that hearing of a school shooting doesn't immediately fill us with worry?

But then as I was watching the 11 AM news, the reports coming in were horrifying. I was riveted to the television and couldn't believe what I was hearing. And perhaps the scariest part was hearing that an entire classroom of little kids was unaccounted for. Forgive me for the typical reaction and overused phrase, but that is every parents' worst nightmare.

I broke into tears. Those innocent children lost their lives at a school, which is supposed to be a happy place, full of friends and educators who care for those children like they were their own. Just thinking about what they endured still chokes me up, especially because Jeremy is the age of those 20 children who lost their lives.

I remember where I was when Columbine happened. I was at work, and I remember catching it on the Internet (what can I say--I was a bored editorial assistant back in 1999), and I kept reading that the body count increased every time I hit the "refresh" button. Although I was just a year out of college, the shootings didn't affect me the way Newtown's did.

And I know full well the reason why: it's because I now have children. I pray that I will never know the feeling of losing a child, but we never know what can happen. I joke with the women at the bus stop that I wish we could keep our children in a little bubble so the troubles of the world won't touch them. Whether it's the creepy-looking van driving through the neighborhood that worries parents or the kids on the bus who bully others or heaven forbid something more tragic. 

There are times when I think having young kids is so draining, but I know life will only get more complex and worries will only grow bigger. Just wait until the kids are off on their own with their friends, driving their cars, or even doing things late in the evening all the while not under my careful eye.

I've tried to not read so much about the tragedy in Connecticut, only for my own sanity. We did broach the subject with the kids the Sunday after it happened, because I feared they would hear something about it. (And they did--at church of all places!) But we gave them a vague reference about it saying that something bad happened in a school in Connecticut, but everything is fine out here and you have nothing to worry about. I did  say if they had questions about it, I'd rather they talk to me. Neither kid did, and I don't believe the schools have said anything to the kids directly. Jeremy's teacher said nothing was said in hers, although Riley said her class now locks the door whenever they're in the room.

I'm grateful for all that the schools do, from not overly worrying the kids to practicing Code Red drills. Although I believe Riley knows what the drills are for, Jeremy insists that they're for when a stranger enters the school or there's a snake on the loose.

 My sweet cherubs sleeping. 
They are my most precious gift ever.

 

But on a more serious note, my kids are my most precious gift, and I'm sure most parents say the same thing about their own. I grieve for the parents who lost their dear children and those whose family members were teachers and educators, and I pray that they get through the holidays the best they know how. The few stories that I've read take my breath away, and every time I watch this video, I'm moved to tears.

If you haven't done so already, hug your kids a little tighter, tell your family that you love them, and be grateful for every day. Because I'm sure all those family members out in Connecticut would give anything to have just one more day, just one more hour to do that to their own.

Happy 9th Birthday, Riley!

9. I can't believe she's 9. I think I'll be saying something along those lines for each child's birthday--just replace the year with that current year.

I look at Riley and cannot believe that it's been 9 years since she made me a mom. She is still such a loving child, always wanting to be around you, cuddle with you, and just enjoy your company. I know that won't last. I know there will come a time when she won't want me around. When she will spend her evenings holed up in her room. So for now I will enjoy it.

It doesn't mean, though, that it doesn't break my heart when earlier this week she cried and said I don't spend enough time with her and that I love Jeremy more than her.

This past year Riley has grown leaps and bounds. She started a new school, took on difficult curriculum since she's in the gifted and talented one, started playing soccer in an all-boys' league, and has matured in a way that I thought I had a few years to prepare for.

I see the struggles in her as Jeremy is no longer the little boy who wants to do whatever she says. I see her struggles when school doesn't come as easy as it once did. She's so much the perfectionist, and it makes me sad to think that she feels the need to be perfect at all times. I see her frustration when life isn't fair, and there are times I just want to wrap her in my arms and make everything better for her. As the older girl with a younger brother, I know that it can be a hard role to fill. And I try not to give her added pressure, but I'm sure I inadvertently do.

She is the light in my life, and I cannot imagine life without her. She's always been such a wonderful child--I don't know what we did to deserve such a blessing in our life. We had parent/teacher conferences last week, and her teacher couldn't say enough nice things about her. She's a model student, and for that we couldn't be prouder.

She's a very creative child, and she still loves to do crafts. She's not so much into games or puzzles anymore--the games I believe is due to her competitive nature in that she doesn't like to lose. The puzzles, I'm not so sure of. She still enjoys coloring and creating, and last month she sat on the couch with me and we both sewed. That made me smile. She still loves to help in whatever capacity you let her, and for her birthday her Uncle D and Aunt Casey took her overnight. I know she was over the moon to not only spend time with them but to have extra time with Jack. He is the highlight in our house, and the kids and I are constantly "fighting" over who gets to hold him next. It's times like that I know she misses having a little one around. She's going to be a great baby sitter someday.

So happy birthday to my beautiful daughter. There is so much in store for you, and I cannot wait to see what paths you take. Just do me a favor and enjoy it and try not to be in too much of a hurry to grow up. We love you.

9 years ago yesterday. I had no idea my water
would break just a few hours after this was taken.

9 years ago today. Poor girl had to get an IV after she was born, so she
had a splint on her left arm. Look at all that hair!

8 years ago at daycare.

7 years ago today.

6 years ago today.

5 years ago today.

4 years ago today.

3 years ago today.

 

2 years ago.

Last year.

 

 

 

 

 

 

This year.

Meet Jack Calvin

I know my newest nephew is about five weeks old, I want to show him off. C+D didn't know if they were having a boy or a girl, and I was waiting by the phone for the news. It came on June 18. First, I received an email from mom that morning saying that Casey was on her way to the hospital (the baby's due date was the 16th). I thought, OK, first baby, we have plenty of time to wait until the baby has arrived. Imagine my shock when we received the news about 9:30 that very morning! Casey had a labor to make any mom jealous--and she did it all natural! I give her all the credit in the world for doing that. Anyway, D called and said the baby has arrived! He asked me what I thought it was. I said I think it's a boy but I'm hoping it's a girl. And you can tell by the title of this post that the baby is a boy. His name was to be doled out in another day.

Luckily Phil's mom was visiting us, so I asked her if I could go meet my new nephew. She agreed to keep an eye on our kids (Phil was working), and off I went. I met up with my dad at his house, and we went together. By the time we got to the room, my mom was in there with Casey's mom, who had flown in for the birth. And that is where I got to meet my little nephew. Oh, I just melted! I didn't get any pictures of me with Jack because I was too busy holding him.

Newly minted Jack.

Sweet boy.

Happy family.

He did this on his own.

 Funny side note is that both kids wrote notes to C+D and the baby. Riley's said "Even though you had a boy, I still love you." Jeremy's said "Is your baby's name Doesn't Have a Name?" Hilarious.

Riley meeting Jack.

Wide-eyed Jack.

I think he loves his cousin.

Uncle D played some Trouble with Jeremy.

And Aunt Casey did her wonderful French braids.

Sleeping on his favorite aunt from Illinois.

Jeremy and Jack.

Cousins and Casey.

The cousins.

Riley was fighting me to hold him.

Sweet boy.

Since then, the kids and I went to visit him once and hung out with all three of them. I am over the moon that all three of them are in the city and we can go see them. Phil was able to meet Jack after the Sox game in July. And in just a few weeks, I'm co-hosting a meet-the-baby party at my parents' house. I cannot wait to watch this little guy grow up.

Not All Sunshine and Roses

I know in my last post I mentioned how I would be missing the kids once this summer is over. And it's true. I lamented to my mom today that I have no idea how she was able to get things done when my brother and I were home from school. My mom has always been a woman in motion, even to this day. She and Dad were over today, and while outside looking at our garden, she began weeding!

There have been times this summer that have been rough. Right when summer began, the kids and I went to the pool with Grandma when she was up for a visit. The following day, Jeremy didn't feel well. I chalked it up to too much sunshine. For the next five days he was very ill. I had never seen him so sick, and this is taking into consideration a time when he almost had bronchitis and pneumonia. He threw up and had diarrhea during those five days. He was puking up water, and at one point he threw up seven times on the way to the bathroom. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry, and I did both. Every day we thought he was getting better, and then he'd relapse. 

The fifth day was the first day of Bible school, and I finally ended up getting him into the doctor. The doctor asked a few questions: Have you been to a public pool recently? And if so, did he drink the water. The answer to both was: Yes. Turns out Jeremy had rotovirus, which is a bacteria that affects the intestines. The smell that came out of that poor boy was toxic, and it made both of us gag. Luckily the virus left his poor body right after the doctor's visit, but it was a rough few days.

And then Miss Riley. The four of us were sitting in the living room about two weeks ago, all doing our own thing. Riley and Jeremy were sitting on the couch reading, I was answering some emails and Phil was working on his computer. All of the sudden Riley flips out and starts screaming. We all tried to calm her down and get her to explain what happened. Jeremy starts crying because he's scared, and by this time Riley is inconsolable. I convince her to try to go take a shower to calm down, but she doesn't want to. She keeps grabbing her ear saying there's something in her ear. We're finally able to look in her ear and tell her we see nothing. 

I end up taking her upstairs, and on the way up, I see the culprit on the wall: a wasp. Turns out the poor girl was bitten by a wasp on her ear. We have no idea how that happened, considering we were all inside and Jeremy was sitting right next to her. Nobody heard a bee buzz by. Luckily the stinger wasn't still in her ear--I can only imagine what a disaster that would have been.

Other than that, we're just dealing with the day-to-day aspects of parenting kids and dealing with the summertime blues. The kids are outside kids, and luckily we've had a bit of a break in the weather, so we've been able to venture outside a bit more. The kids are still super involved in sports, which is helping them to run off some energy. It's hard to believe there are only 3.5 weeks left until school starts!
 

Ah Summertime

I wish I could say that the living is easy in the summertime, but it's been anything but, as evidence by my lack of posting. I knew this summer would be more challenging than the ones in years' past, but this one is certainly taking the cake. The kids are both getting on each others' nerves (and mine at times!) by doing things to antagonize the other (something I know D and I did on more than one occasion...), Phil is working from home all the time, and the weather has been way too hot for us to even burn any energy off outside. The kids are outdoor kids, yet the excessive heat has even been too much for me to bear, and I LOVE the heat and summer!

But now we have about 6 weeks left of summer, and I know I'm going to miss the kids. Don't get me wrong, I'm going to be all smiles when they board that bus for the first day, but it's been fun having them around most of the time. We've headed to the zoo together, visited baby Jack (seriously, he is one cute kid!), went to the Sox game for the first time, gone to soccer/hockey/baseball together, headed up to Wisconsin to visit our cousins, gone to the pool and just hung out. I love them dearly, and I keep reminding myself that this will not last. I don't have many years left of "making" them come with me all the time. I'm trying to cherish this time together. The times they want to sit on my lap even though they have their wet swimsuits on, the times when they want to play a game with me on the floor, the time they want to help me make dinner. It's not always going to be this way.

Before I get too mushy, why don't I dump a few pics of the kids on here. Maybe one of these days I'll be a little better about posting, but for now I'm off to enjoy a cold beer while the kids are in bed.

Mother's Day at Mom and Dad's.

My little soccer star.

Memorial Day with my girl.

Kids with Uncle D.

The fam (minus Casey who wasn't feeling well) for Memorial Day.

My other soccer star with Papa and Nana.